Thursday, July 10, 2008

Honor thy Father and thy Mother

Through all my blogging I haven't mentioned my parents much and yet they take a good portion of my time and concern. They are aging and I'm a caregiver, of sorts. I say, of sorts, because they are still living at home. They have tried to stay in their own domain, but as their health has declined they have needed more and more support. They need daily care and I'm not in a position to give it. It might be easier if my parents were closer in vicinity, like next door or living in my home. They do live in town, but it is a bit of a drive. Their care has become more and more of a burden on me because of their choices to try and stay "independent".

We've encouraged them to get more help, but my mother has refused to pay for what they really need. Yes, she's called repairmen, a housekeeper, yard help, etc., periodically, but still more help is required. I walk a tentative tightrope in offering my opinion on what I think would be in their best interest and letting them preserve their autonomy. Some days I think I'm outright irresponsible as I let them make choices that seem wrong for their welfare. It's a constant concern about what is best for them and where to draw the line in fostering their independence. It seems that what I do is never enough.

Anyway, I always include some kind of picture with my post. I have a wedding photo displayed instead of a picture showing my parent's current state of affairs. They have been married 57 years. Once robust and active, these days their situation is really quite awful and I'm not inclined to exhibit their ruin. Their gradual demise is sad and demeaning. My dad has Alzheimer's. He is literally the walking dead. My mother is diabetic with congestive heart failure and a bit of dementia I might add. She is full of anxiety and worry as she tries to hang on to what she once had physically and mentally. There is no quality of life. They are in a downward spiral.

Currently, I have opted to let them make choices and then stand back and watch, but things seem to be escalating. My mother finally admitted to me this week that maybe she does need to live with someone. My mother would like to wait in dealing with these decisions because my sister, Beth, is coming to visit next week. With Beth's help and my brothers' too, hopefully, we can come up with a consensus for my parent's well-being. We'll see how it goes.

Dorothy & Bill Reynders - A BETTER DAY

"Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee."

1 comment:

  1. I had no idea. My mom and dad have wondered how you parents were doing often. They just love them, as do I. This must be extra hard on you with still having kids at home. I'm glad your siblings are coming to together to give support.